Andelion Habits
by Aiden Aterangelus
Summary: One strange new creature leads to fun, embarassment, and awkward situations. Thanks to GunOutOfTheRoses for the premise, and creature.
1. Chapter1:Courtesy of GunOutOfTheRoses

Disclaimer: First of all, this chapter, and the story premise developed within it, are not mine. They belong to one of my favorite fanfic authors, who goes by the pen name GunOutOfTheRoses, who kindly gave me permission to continue the story. Check out her other stories, too! I assure you that they are awesome! Also, neither of us own Harry Potter, or their world, etc. Obviously. If we did, we certainly wouldn't be posting on here. We would have our own websites, because we would be filthy rich! Well, whichever of us owned Harry Potter, anyway. Thank you again for your kindness, GunOutOfTheRoses, and here is the story exactly as it appears in the section of the true author:  
  
WARNING~!  
  
This is a yaoi story involving Harry and an original character. Please do not read if you don't like it! Thank you!  
  
I think this should be rated R.  
  
Please review and enjoy!  
  
"Class, today we have a new subject of study." Lupin smiled at the seventh year Gryffindors and Slytherins. He looked back at the cage behind him, which was covered by a black cloth. "Please do not make any sudden moves, as it may frighten him. This is a very powerful creature."  
  
"Lupin fingered the cloth, then looked back at the class. "Can anyone tell me why an andelion is dangerous?" Hermione's hand shot into the air as the same time as Malfoy's.  
  
"Yes, Mr. Malfoy?" Malfoy smirked.  
  
"Andelions are a relative of sirens. Their voices attract men to them. They have very sharp claws, and some feed on flesh and blood. Most just feed on the passions of their partner during sex." Several faces in the classroom went red. "If you startle or threaten any type of andelion, it will attack and kill."  
  
"Very good. And Miss Granger, what are andelions used for?"  
  
"Their hair is used in some potions, and even a few wands. They were used as slaves in the early 1800s, but are awful with children, so when families had them, they had to kill off their andelions. So they are an endangered species, with only about . . . five hundred left I believe."  
  
"Very good. But there is something you have not said. This bit of information was most likely not in the text book. Does anyone know what it is?" No one raised his or her hand, but before Lupin began speaking again, Neville lifted his shyly. "Ah, yes Mr. Longbottom?"  
  
"Andelion ejaculate is used in a lot of dark and complicated potions." Neville's face was bright red. "It has erm . . . healing powers . . . if swallowed." Lupin smiled and nodded. Half the class was gaping at Neville, and Lavender Brown fainted.  
  
"And?" Lupin prompted.  
  
"It also is capable of impregnating any living creature . . . including males."  
  
"Very good! Now, I am going to show this andelion to you. Remember, do not startle him." Lupin slowly pulled the cloth off of the cage.  
  
The class gasped. Sitting in the cage was what looked like a human. But it had golden skin and brown hair that stuck up like a lion's mane. A long lion tail swerved gracefully in the air behind him. He looked bored. He was sitting with his long, powerful looking legs crossed Indian style with his elbow on his knee, and his chin on his hand. The andelion blinked, intense yellow eyes looking at the class.  
  
"Ande." Lupin muttered. The andelion looked up at him expectantly. "Good boy. Come on out." Lupin tapped the cage, and one side opened. Ande crawled out and sat on the floor, still looking at Lupin. "Alright. Can anyone tell me what type Ande is?"  
  
Neville raised his hand along with Malfoy and Hermione.  
  
"Neville?" everyone was shocked at how much Neville knew. The boy seemed to be getting braver.  
  
"He's the type that feeds on sex and lust."  
  
"How can you tell?" Lupin asked. Neville's cheeks turned a shade darker.  
  
"He's . . . erm . . . better equipped, I guess. Lust Andelions tend to be more graceful, have longer tails, tongues, and er . . . yeah. Flesh eating types have longer teeth, stronger tails and bodies, and their tongues are pointed so they can use them to dig. This one's claws aren't as sharp, too."  
  
"Very good. Five points to Gryffindor. What else is there, Mr. Malfoy?"  
  
"As Longbottom was saying, a Lust Andelion's penis tends to be longer and thicker, so as to better please his partner. They also have longer hair on their head, and less hair on their bodies."  
  
"Five points to Slytherin. Now, everyone line up." The students got out of their chairs and got into a line going down the middle of the classroom. "One at a time, you may come down and touch him. But be gentle. If you are wearing an artificial scent, I recommend that you clean yourself of it." There were a few muttered spells. "Good. Now, come up slowly and let him smell your hand."  
  
Harry was first in line, so he walked up cautiously, remembering the hippogriffs. He stuck out his hand and Ande sniffed it. Then Harry jumped slightly when Ande nuzzled his hand like a cat that wanted to be pet. He smiled and stroked Ande's face, letting the andelion turn his head to where he wanted to be touched.  
  
"Good, Harry. Next?" Ande's eyes followed Harry all the way to his seat, and then he turned to look at Ron, who was next in line. He sniffed Ron's hand, and sneezed. A few people laughed or giggled as Ande's nose twitched cutely.  
  
After everyone had pet Ande, the andelion looked up at Lupin and made a mewing sound.  
  
"Uh oh." Lupin looked a little nervous.  
  
"What is it, professor?" Hermione asked.  
  
"He's hungry. Class dismissed, I've got to take him to the forest. Give me a foot long essay on Lust Andelions, then another foot of Flesh Eating due next lesson. Hope he doesn't attack another centaur . . ."  
  
The students stood up and gathered their things. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were the last out, but when Harry tried to walk out the door, he was pulled back. He looked down and saw Ande had a hold of his robe.  
  
"Er, sir?"  
  
"Oh. Come here, Ande." When Ande didn't move, Lupin called him with more force in his voice. Ande looked at Harry regretfully and stood to walk back to the cage.  
  
"Wait, sir?" Harry said suddenly, an idea coming to mind. "Do you think I could go down to the forest with you?" Lupin raised an eyebrow.  
  
"I don't think that would be wise, Harry. If Ande wants you then there's not much I can do when he's free in the forest." Harry's shoulders slumped a little, and he looked into Ande's pretty yellow eyes.  
  
"Alright. See you later, professor." Harry left with Ron and Hermione.  
  
~^~  
  
Harry's mind was stuck on Ande all through dinner and even when he was trying to do his homework in the common room. He eventually put down his quill and sighed.  
  
"It's hopeless." Hermione and Ron looked up at him.  
  
"What is?" Hermione asked. "The essay isn't that hard." Harry sighed.  
  
"Yeah, trying to write about Ande's sexual habits while trying not to think about him is really easy." He said sarcastically. Ron raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Why don't you want to think about Ande?" Ron asked. Harry rubbed his eyes under his glasses.  
  
"Did you not see how hot his arse is?"  
  
"Er . . ." Ron blushed slightly. "No, I kind of missed that, seeing as he's MALE!" Harry looked at him oddly.  
  
"Didn't you hear him singing?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Oh. I guess it was in my head. But it sounded so pretty . . . You have to admit that Ande does look good. I mean, his eyes are gorgeous and his mouth . . . and those hands! And I wont bother mentioning his body . . ."  
  
"Thanks." Ron said. "Harry, are you ok?"  
  
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"  
  
"Oh, I dunno," Ron looked at the ceiling with a thoughtful expression. "Maybe because you're describing a MALE dark beast."  
  
"What do you mean?" Harry asked, confused. Hermione smiled a little.  
  
"Harry, I think you did hear Ande's song. It's a type of mating call that only a specific being can hear. Ande was directing it at you."  
  
"Great. An andelion wants to mate with Harry. Isn't that a bad thing? I mean, what if Harry gets pregnant?" Hermione seemed to think about that.  
  
"We'll use protection!" Harry said brightly. Ron groaned and banged his head onto the table.  
  
"I should hope so." The three looked over as Lupin came in through the portrait hole with Ande. "He kept whining at me until I brought him he-" Ande suddenly jumped into Harry's arms, straddled his lap, and started purring.  
  
"Now that's animal magnetism!" Collin said as he snapped a photo.  
  
"Well, I had better be going." Lupin said. "If he gives you any trouble then just tap his nose with your finger. But be careful, he might bite it off."  
  
"Ouch." Hermione winced at the thought. She looked at Harry, who was busy snuggling with Ande.  
  
"Oh and Harry, if you end up mating him, make sure you're on top, just to be safe. I don't think it's possible for a male Andelion to get pregnant." With that, Lupin left. Collin popped up beside Harry.  
  
"Hey Harry, can I take pictures?"  
  
"Hm . . . what?" Harry looked up from Ande's eyes at Collin. "Oh. No, sorry Collin, I don't think Ande would like that." Harry picked Ande up and carried him to the stairs.  
  
"Harry, you can't have sex with him!" Hermione said.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"You're only seventeen!"  
  
"Ah, shut up Hermione." Ron told her. "Let him have his fun." Hermione looked at him, shocked. Harry grinned at his friend and ran up the stairs. "Well, Harry's going to get an A." Ron stood up and gathered his things.  
  
"Where are you going?" Hermione asked, beginning to sulk at being told to shut up.  
  
"I'm going to watch and take notes. See you in the morning."  
  
"What? Ron!"  
  
~*OWARI*~  
  
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GOOTR: Hee hee, I thought this was funny! I just had the idea and needed to write it down. Sorry if it's too short, but I don't think I'll be making any more of it. Hey, if anyone wants to draw Ande or a scene from this for me, could they please email the picture to me? That would be totally cool. It really sucks having no artistic talent! .  
  
Anyway, I hope you liked it! Review and tell me if you did!  
  
***So the master wrote, and the humble student continues***  
  
Heh. Even that I stole. It was said by some students of a famous composer who died in the middle of writing his masterpiece, and then they finished it. It's a fitting quote, though, if I could only remember who actually said it. If I haven't said it enough, thank you GOOTR! 


	2. Chapter 2:The Plot Thickens

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry or his friends from Hogwarts. Even Ande is not my creation. But that doesn't mean that I can't have fun with them! Anyways, I give my respect to JK first, for the empire she has created, and furthermore, the art she has inspired just on this site, and second, I give out my admiration to the great GunOutOfTheRoses, who came up with the whole premise for this one. (see chapter one, which you probably already have)  
  
So, Enjoy!  
  
A/N: I know, this is going on for a while before the story, but here's the final note: these are Ron's notes. I thought it would be interesting to do it from that point of view, and I can keep it from becoming pornographic literature, which I don't think is allowed here.  
  
6:01 p.m. arrived on scene, put on invisibility cloak (which now seems entirely unnecessary) and viewed the two subjects already underway. Harry and Ande are currently liplocked, and clothes are flying off of the bed faster than I've ever seen.  
  
6:10 p.m. Amazingly enough, subjects have not lost lip contact for atleast a full nine minutes. It appears that the Andelion has a small inlet for air on the throat that is allowing this incredible behavior. Harry is currently down to his boxer shorts, which are displaying a clear desire of Harry's to be removed. Andelions are apparently not phased by this as Ande has slowed down significantly, and is placing soft kisses down the front of Harry's body.  
  
6:17 p.m. Andelion has returned to intense French kissing, inlet for air (which looks a bit like a gill) is in use again  
  
6:25 p.m. Lips break for the second time, and Harry is gasping for air, while the Andelion has a rather dark smile on his face. The andelion's tail is now wrapping around Harry's ankle, and in conjunction with another arm is slowly and firmly spreading apart Harry's legs. **Side note: tail completely prehensile. Completely.** Spreading process is complete. Andelion is replacing grasp of hand and tail with feet, keeping Harry's legs comfortably (from the look of his face) separate. Andelion is utilizing amazing flexibility, and appears to be licking every square inch of Harry's skin with an extraordinarily long tongue.  
  
6:35 p.m. Long process of licking appears to be complete, and Harry is opening his eyes-which are glazed over with pleasure. I am absolutely sure that this cloak is not needed to keep Harry from seeing me, but I leave it on anyway. The Andelion's skin seems to have brightened up considerably, and is practically glowing with a golden light amplified by the incredible amount of sweat that Harry seems to be producing. Andelion is flipping Harry over, apparently going to repeat the previous licking process on the back side.  
  
6:45 p.m. Back side licking process is complete. Harry, who seems to be overtaken with anticipation, but disabled by pleasure, is making a pitiful attempt to reach up to Ande to get him to continue. Even the experienced lover seems to be ready, now, and is ripping off the last piece of Harry's clothing. The Andelion's instrument is growing to full attention, and Harry seems to sense this, as he lays still. The Andelion has-  
  
[The notes break off at this point, as Ron is too entranced by whatever is going on to continue making legible marks on the parchment.]  
  
8:30 p.m. Both subjects are completely asleep, collapsed on top of each other after extensive periods of - erm - lusty release. **Side Note: Self reaction seems to have taken place, to be . dealt with and investigated later.  
  
Ron quietly stepped over to Harry's bed, replaced the invisibility cloak in its usual hiding place, and reached to pull the curtains closed, but felt a tugging on his arm. He was surprised to see a golden hand holding onto the sleeve of his robes, and thought he heard an odd and beautiful song playing in his head.  
  
A/N: Well, I suppose you could call that a cliffhanger, but I think we all know what's going to happen next. I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter, because you only get one more free. After that you must pay me. Pay me in reviews, that is. 


	3. Chapter3:Plan B isn't an option

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry or his friends from Hogwarts. Even Ande is not my creation. But that doesn't mean that I can't have fun with them! Anyways, I give my respect to JK first, for the empire she has created, and furthermore, the art she has inspired just on this site, and second, I give out my admiration to the great GunOutOfTheRoses, who came up with the whole premise for this one. (See chapter one, which you probably already have)  
  
So, Enjoy!  
  
** The Next Morning. Hee Hee. ***  
  
Harry awoke very early the next morning, feeling almost more tired than when he had fallen asleep the night before, and feeling slightly lonely, as his bed seemed to have been vacated while he was sleeping. He got out of bed, trying to recall just exactly what had happened the night before, and it hit him like a tidal wave as the memories from less than 10 hours ago struck him all at once. He blushed. 'Where is Ande now?' he thought as he stumbled toward the shower to get what seemed to be a golden sheen off of his skin. Suddenly, he heard a moaning from the bed next to his.  
  
"Ron?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"You're up already?"  
  
"What about you, mate?"  
  
"Yeah, I." Harry froze, trying to remember the reason he had gotten up so early. Suddenly it hit him. Well, not really the idea, more the reason. He ran into the bathroom as fast as he could, into a stall, and leaned over the toilet to empty the contents of his stomach.  
  
Seconds after the purgation had begun, he heard the same noise coming from the stall next to him. Apparently, they had both gotten up for the same reason. After about ten minutes, they both arose, and took to two neighboring sinks to wash off their faces. Both looking a little worse for the wear, they splashed their faces in cold water, and Harry just stared down into the sink, when a little bit of water splashed off of Ron, and landed in the sink. It was tinted gold, and sparkled in the harsh, bright lights of the bathroom.  
  
It didn't take Harry long at all to realize what had happened.  
  
"So, what did you think of his song?"  
  
Without thinking, Ron burst out, "It was the most beautiful thing I've ever- "  
  
Harry had never seen someone's face go from pale to bright red so fast before. Perhaps luckily for Ron, they both felt a repeat of the exercises of not more than five minutes ago coming on, or up, as it were.  
  
After the retching was finished, there was a moment of tense silence, and Ron spoke. "Alright. We both are guilty. We know that, but nobody else does."  
  
"But what about --?"  
  
"Seamus, Dean, and Neville? They came in after you had finished, completely tired from a game of soccer Seamus had started, from what I could tell. I had taken Ande back by that point."  
  
"How did you get to Professor Lupin without anyone seeing you?"  
  
Ron squirmed, uneasily. "I. I used the cloak."  
  
To Ron's relief, Harry didn't look angry in the slightest. He just sighed relief, saying, "Alright. We're safe. So, this never happened."  
  
"Right."  
  
"We have to get our stories straight, though. How did Ande get his feeding? Professor Lupin will want to know, and we can't hide that he's not hungry anymore."  
  
Ron tried to rack his brain, but he couldn't come up with a single idea. Except for one. "Well, before we do that, we'd better clean off this gold stuff before the others awake."  
  
"Alright."  
  
Harry and Ron went to grab their shower stuff, and headed to separate stalls. There were three shower stalls in the bathroom, and they went to opposite ends. They each stepped in, took off their bedclothes, (Harry's were quite torn) and turned the showers on. Nothing happened. The heads refused to produce water. Grabbing their clothes and quickly throwing them back on, both boys stepped out into the main area of the bathroom, having already surmised the situation. Harry was the first to speak. "There's only one stall," Harry was interrupted by a moan from out in the bedroom. "and we don't have enough time for two showers."  
  
Ron looked uneasily towards the bedroom, knowing this was the truth. "Alright, let's get in and make it quick." Ron, very secure in his, erm, endowments, quickly stripped down again, but Harry was more hesitant. Ron, eager to finish before the other boys got up, said, "It's alright Harry. It's respectable in size, and after Ande, I don't honestly think either of us compare."  
  
Harry, momentarily comforted by this statement, realized what it meant. "You were watching!? And what do you mean, respectable!?"  
  
Harry's own question was answered by the removal of Ron's last item of clothing. He understood why Ron really didn't care if Harry saw him naked, and why he was only 'respectable.'  
  
"Yes, Harry," said Ron, trying to keep Harry from being so loud as to awake their roommates, "I watched and took notes for class. Harry? Harry?"  
  
Harry was suddenly entranced by Ron, yet hadn't listened to a word he'd said. Ron grabbed Harry, shook him, and pushed him into the shower, where he subsequently turned on the water. The cold water. Harry immediately snapped out of it, and pulled Ron in with him.  
  
They quickly realized that the stall was not built for two boys, and it was very difficult to move around inside. Each grabbed their bars of soap, but repeatedly dropped them, and bending over in the overcrowded shower was a difficult task. They also quickly realized that the golden sheen was not as easy to remove as they had hoped. Rubbing their hardest, they could barely get it off of their hands, but the rest was too difficult to reach in the crowded shower. Hearing more movement outside, they turned to each other, and consented wordlessly to what they knew they had to do.  
  
Harry made first contact, starting at Ron's shoulders, rubbing as hard as he could on the slippery skin of his best friend. Quickly, though, they realized that the first objective was the hair, as when it was cleaned, the water that drained from it might only stain their bodies once more. Ron grabbed his shampoo and squirted some in his hand, rubbed it on the other, and began to lather on top of Harry's head. Harry's knees nearly gave out on him as the massage encircled and gently dug into his scalp. "Harry." Ron's voice snapped him back into reality, and he reached for his own shampoo, and repeated the process for Ron. It was not long before both boys were lost in the pleasurable massage, and bodies grew slowly closer in the falling water. Both sets of eyes closed, they did not notice the growth down below, or furthermore, the single set of eyes that had entered the bathroom and seen that the boys had forgotten to close the shower curtain. Quietly stepping forward, the Gryffindor drew the shower curtain silently across the rod at the top, and retreated to the bedroom to tell his roommates that the showers were malfunctioning, and the only remaining one was full. What it was full of, he did not say, but the others took the broken showers as a message from some blessed higher power that they were allowed to sleep in.  
  
Meanwhile, still rapt in the pleasure of each other's scalp massages, the two boys had come to be so close they could feel each other's heat, but they did not resist as the final step was taken and their two chests gently collided in a quiet slap of water. The collision caused a reaction, however, but not one that was expected. Both boys leaned their heads forward, and fingers slipped off of scalp while lips made contact with lips.  
  
Both boys knew only love for each other in that perfect moment, and the mark of the Andelion instantly vanished from their bodies. The boys stood there, unmoving, lips simply touching, but opened their eyes. Looking down, they both blushed, but also realized that as they had intended, the sheen was gone. Washing out the shampoo, they hurried to get out of the shower and back into the room, only to see that everyone was still asleep. Both boys breathed a sigh of relief, and returned to their beds to change into clothes for the day. Gladly, they noticed that, while soaked, the bed sheets did not have the golden sheen that they had just cleansed from themselves.  
  
Ron pulled out his parchment from last night to make note of this, but noticed that the paper was empty, except for short poem, written in much clearer hand than his.  
  
'About Andelions, so little is known, Because the places in which lust are thrown, Secrets are kept, and things have grown, But of the experience, nothing can be writ, Else the joys escape to throw the world into fit.'  
  
Ron had never been good at interpreting poems, but he figured this one out pretty quickly. He thought for a moment, 'The Andelion's lust-making must be undocumentable. That's why people only write about its uses in potions. But throw the world into fit?' That one confused him. He was drawn out of his reflective state, however, by a very nice voice.  
  
"Ron?"  
  
"Yeah, Harry?"  
  
"Let's get down to breakfast early. We'll head for the kitchens and ask Dobby for a few favors."  
  
Ron understood, walked to where Harry could see him, and nodded. He would discuss his feelings later, because right now they were overpowered by a strange craving he had for chocolate pudding with graham cracker crumbs and pickles on top.  
  
A/N: Yeah, I couldn't help but stick them in the shower together. It was irresistible, and it gave me an excuse to give more details about my conception of the Andelion. Coming up in the next chapter (but only if you review) the name of the Gryffindor who saw them! Well, maybe. Depends on how wicked I feel, which depends on whether or not I get my chocolate pudding with graham cracker crumbs and pickles on top. Mmm. 


	4. Chapter 4:Sweet Dreams

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry or his friends from Hogwarts. Even Ande is not my creation. But that doesn't mean that I can't have fun with them! Anyways, I give my respect to JK first, for the empire she has created, and furthermore, the art she has inspired just on this site, and second, I give out my admiration to the great GunOutOfTheRoses, who came up with the whole premise for this one. (See chapter one, which you probably already have)

A/N:That's the last time I put the disclaimer in. I think you get the point.

*** A few minutes after the last chapter ***

Rushing down the hallway, though neither boy was sure why, the reached the portrait that covered the entrance to the kitchen, tickled the pear, and stepped inside. The smells that greeted them were overwhelming, and they stumbled backwards against the wall. It was a few minutes before even Dobby was able to come over, though, since all of the house-elves were completely tied up in creating the giant breakfast that the students would scarf down without a second thought.

Dobby ran over, always glad to see Harry, but looked quite flustered and stressed, as several of the other house-elves shot him not so pleasant looks. "M-Master Harry, what can Dobby do for you?"

"I'm really sorry to interrupt things," said Harry, noticing that Dobby didn't correct him as he usually did, but "I need a favor."

Dobby glanced over his shoulder, but nodded back at Harry quickly.

Harry whispered to Dobby a few instructions, and Dobby looked relieved, clearly expecting something much more difficult. Dobby said "Dobby never says anything when cleaning sheets, no matter how dirty they might be."

Ron hadn't been paying much attention to the conversation, mostly distracted by the smells and sights of the giant kitchen, and while Dobby returned to his post, another house elf that neither recognized, but looked quite overburdened in her weight had been able to pull herself away from the cooking line to provide the boys with food. Rushed but still miraculously polite, the elf handed Ron and Harry a few closed dishes which she indicated they could take anywhere, and rushed back to the line. Understanding that they had caused enough of a disturbance, the boys nodded to each other and stepped back out into the hallway. Ron was the first to speak.

"Ya know, Harry, I think I might just start wearing that SPEW pin again."

Harry nodded, trying to come up with a quiet place that they could take their food. Harry decided that it wasn't too bad outside, and suggested this to Ron, who agreed. Once the boys were outside, they settled on a nice location, and sat down to enjoy their early meals. Opening up the dishes, they were surprised to see that the elves had been able to basically read their minds. Ron's eyes opened wide with delight as he saw the large portion of chocolate pudding covered in graham cracker crumbs, with a large stack of pickles laying on the side. He had never had this dish before, but something in his gut was telling him that it would be delicious. Harry's jaw had dropped at the sight of his own meal: Radishes coated in peanut butter and ketchup. Grabbing one, he shoved it whole into his mouth, and began to chew, not caring about the mess he was making on his face.

Luckily, neither boy looked at the other's meals, else a repeat of their waking rituals would have come about. There was a low chance of this, though, as each simply sat, silently stuffing themselves with food until all was gone. Finally looking up, Harry laughingly pointed to his own face in order to indicate some of the spots where Ron had left food, only to find his own finger covered in the sauce he had consumed just seconds before. Fortunately, the house elf who had brought them their food had prepared for this eventuality, and they found some paper napkins sitting in the boxes they had quickly emptied. They wiped themselves clean, and headed back into the castle.

When they arrived, breakfast was already underway, and despite the large amount of food that they had just consumed, they were still ready to eat quite a bit of breakfast food.

*** One week later, in Transfiguration ***

"Mr. Weasley and Mr. Potter! That is the third time you have left my class during this hour to use the restroom! If you leave once more, I will be forced to take points from my own house!"

Both boys returned to their seats, knowing the honesty of Professor McGonagall's threats. Everyone in the room shot them odd looks, but Hermione was the most inquisitive, and she approached them after class.

"What's wrong with you two? This whole week you've been acting strange. You've both been sleeping almost twelve hours a day, but Neville's told me that you're always up before anyone else in the dorm, and Neville swears that he heard you both sick one morning."

Ron opened his mouth to launch into one of his usual tirades, but it was Harry who turned on Hermione.

"So we've had a bad week! It happens to everybody!" Hermione's mouth dropped open, but no reply came out, as she was interrupted by a continuing Harry.

"Oh, I forgot, Little Miss Perfect never has a bad day, let alone a bad week. I am so tired of your righteous indignation! Maybe we don't do as well in class, and maybe we can't turn desks into pigs on our first try. I guess we should all just bow down to you, almighty teacher's pet!"

Harry stormed away furiously, and Ron looked between the two with no choice but to run after Harry. He was very happy to see that Hermione was just confused, not upset, as he ran to catch up with Harry. Harry was almost at the portrait before Ron caught up with him, and had to grab Harry by the arm to slow him down. Ron was distinctly surprised when Harry turned, and tears were streaming down his face.

"What's wrong? And what was that about?"

"I don't know," cried Harry. "I don't know why I blew up at her, I wasn't even angry, and I have absolutely no idea why I'm crying now. I—I'm just going to go to bed."

They began to walk together towards the fat lady's portrait, Ron holding Harry's shoulder comfortingly. "Go to bed? It's not even three in the afternoon!"

"I—I'll just take a nap." Was Harry's feeble response. As they approached, the fat lady looked around and whispered, "Congratulations," but neither boy seemed to notice, and spoke the password, at which she was obliged to allow them entrance. Ron followed Harry up to the dorms with the intent of talking to him, but Harry didn't even bother to change as he just flopped down on his bed and fell asleep.

Ron lay down next to Harry, trying to think of what might possibly have brought such a strange change to the both of them. Hermione was right; they had been acting strange lately. Both had been sick nearly every morning, but still incredibly hungry for breakfast. Ron had been having headaches all week, and Harry had complained of similar problems. As Ron tried to trace all of these strange symptoms back to a cause, however, he quickly realized that laying down on Harry's very comfortable bed was a very bad idea. He quickly fell asleep alongside Harry, and entered a world of dreams.

*Ron's Dream

Ron sat up and stepped out of bed. Looking around, he didn't see the walls of the dormitory. He stood in a room he had never been in before, yet he felt like he was home. Walking downstairs, he was drawn to the smell of unexplained bacon. Opening his eyes as he entered the kitchen, he saw a person's back that he thoroughly recognized, standing next to the stove in an oversized t-shirt and _his_ boxers, and he realized that he didn't mind. 

*Reality

Neville entered the room quietly, not knowing what to expect after Harry's public scene outside of Transfiguration. Looking around, he saw Harry and Ron laying together peacefully, sprawled in a careless fashion across the bed. Neville sighed, sure of what he had suspected before – Harry and Ron were together. He chuckled, realizing that he should have guessed it earlier, since they spent nearly every waking moment together. He also made a mental note to tell them to start closing the curtains, on the bed and in the shower. He wasn't disgusted, or even offended, but if they wanted to keep their relationship secret, they would have to be a little more careful. Swearing that this was the last time he would do this, he walked over to the bed, pushed Ron up all the way (his leg was hanging off) and pulled the privacy curtains shut. 

*Harry's Dream

Harry rose from his bed, distinctly aware from the cold floor beneath his feet and the lack of light from the windows that the sun had yet to rise. Wandering down the hall in a home that he had never been in, but was familiar with. He stepped into the next bedroom, walked into the middle, and checked on two cribs, side by side, the faces inside of which he could not see. He smiled at the peace within the room, and turned to the stairs, walking down and then towards the back porch, stopping in the kitchen to make a cup of coffee with a flick of his wand. Outside, he sat alone on a chez lounge that he had picked out just a month ago. Closing his eyes, he took a whiff of the coffee and relaxed, laying back in the chair and awaiting the sunrise.

Harry watched as the first beams of sunlight reached over the horizon, and closed his eyes to enjoy the warmth of the sun pouring down on him, and passing through him. Once morning had broken, and Harry's coffee supply was depleted, he stood up and walked back in to the kitchen to cook up some bacon…

* Ron's Dream cont'd.

Ron grinned madly at the sight of his love standing at the stove, and sidled up behind him, reached his arms around the inviting waist before him, and placed his head on an open shoulder. The bacon, done, was flipped onto a nearby plate and the pan was discarded in the sink as bright green eyes turned around to briefly meet blue, and both pairs closed as their lips met in a gentle kiss.

*

When Ron and Harry opened their eyes, they were back in bed, curtains drawn, and silently embracing. Their lips broke contact, and no words were exchanged. Each was perfectly conscious of the other's state of mind. Rising from the bed, Ron pulled open the curtains and saw that no one else was in the room. Looking over to a clock next to his bed, he was glad that Transfiguration had been their last class. They had slept for several hours, and it was now dinner time. Ron felt a pair of hands slide around his waist in the same way that he had in a dream, and turned to Harry for another embrace. They stood for several minutes simply enjoying each other's warmth, until Harry looked at the clock and both boys realized how hungry they were. They headed down to the Great Hall, knowing they'd have a lot of explaining to do.

A/N:Hey, that was pretty fluffy, but I enjoyed writing it, and more kick-ass humor is coming up in the next chapter, but remember my rule: I write for myself, and post for reviewers.


	5. Chapter 5: I suck at chapter titles

Harry coughed for the third time that night as his head was encircled by another cloud of dust coming from Ron's wiping of a nearby trophy.

"Sorry about that."

"It's alright, I got used to more than this at the Dursleys. I just haven't been exposed to [cough] quite this much in a while."

Ron paused. Harry didn't usually open up about his experiences with his foster parents like this. He stood pensively for a moment, but decided not to push anything. Harry would tell him when he was ready, and that was that. They had enough to talk about nowadays as it was. After their afternoon bedroom escapades, they had been chewed out by Professor McGonogall, and subsequently, Hermione, for missing two classes. McGonogall had assigned them a customary detention as punishment, and since she didn't have any assignments planned, they were stuck with one of Filch's signature punishments (that were still legal). The boys had to clean the trophy room without the assistance of magic.

For Harry, this wasn't much of a problem: his many years at the Dursley's had taught him extensive methods of muggle cleaning. Despite two previous detentions of the same sort, however, Ron was still completely hopeless. They had decided to split the work up so that Ron would dust and Harry would follow with the toothbrush and cleaning agent. They had been working along steadily, despite the fact that the trophies seemed to be enchanted to attract more dirt than any other part of the school.

Both boys had to shift uncomfortably in their work, as they had gained a considerable amount of weight during the last two weeks. To this point, no one had been able to determine why, but to be honest, few people had said anything about it. Even Draco Malfoy hadn't commented on their recent bulging. Of course, he seemed to have changed significantly himself.

The Slytherin who was usually so calm and collected, even if he was poisonously vicious, was completely out of control. He was mouthing off to everyone one minute, but quiet and almost teary-eyed the next. Harry swore he had noticed him crying one day after Care of Magical Creatures, when Hagrid had finally built up the nerve to tell him off. Both boys had noticed Malfoy a little pale, sweaty and off-color about a week before, and had been so busy enjoying the occasion, coming up with strange reasons why he might be stressed, that they hadn't considered what might be the real reason.

Ron moved on to another trophy, and Harry was once again encircled.

"Could You be a little bit more careful, there?"

"Sorry again, mate. I'm just no good with this."

"Oh, just give it to me." Harry reached for the cloth and looked around to make sure Filch was still out chasing phantom sounds. Seeing and hearing no one, he pulled out his wand and charmed the dust-cloth. "There. Try again."

Ron wiped across the trophy once more, and the dust attached to the cloth, and sunk in, not a single speck flying out into the air. "Oh, I should have remembered that. Mum's got one just like it. I've seen her use it many times."

While Ron was talking, Harry enchanted the old toothbrush as well, and while scrubbing on it's own would be a dead give away, he settled for one swipe cleaning all the way through. With their new and improved tools, they finished the room before Filch returned, and Harry disenchanted the items just in time to hear the grumbling old man return with an unwilling traveling partner. Luck was in their favor, because they got to see none other than Draco Malfoy being dragged by the ear towards Filch's office. Overjoyed with his newest catch, he gave the trophies a quick once over and didn't even think of foul play. They boys gleefully headed back to Gryffindor tower, eager to share their privileged information with Hermione.

When they got back, only a few people were left in the common room, and Neville told them that Hermione had gone to the library a few hours before. This didn't surprise them, so they decided to wait a little while: Madam Pince closed the place up about now. After a few minutes of sitting, Neville came over, and they decided that he would like to know, too.

"Guess who we saw Filch dragging around by the ear in the trophy room?" Ron smiled widely and smugly.

"Draco Malfoy?" Harry and Ron's jaws dropped as Neville answered coolly, with no hint of a guess in his voice.

"But-- how did you know?" came Harry's stuttered reply.

"Whom else's misery would make both of you so happy?"

Neither boy could refute that. Neville looked around the common room, saw that the last stragglers had headed off to bed, and decided that now was the time. As Harry and Ron gave up on the prospect of finding Hermione, and began to walk toward the stairs, Neville said, in a casual voice, "Guess who I saw kissing in the shower?"

Harry and Ron froze instantly on the spot, unsure of what to do. Harry turned, looked at Ron, and then turned around fully. Now it was Neville's turn to have a wide and smug smile on his face. Barely able to keep from laughing at their two faces, he stood up, walked between them, and headed up the stairs to the dormitory.

"How could—" Harry cut himself off, unsure even of what he had been about to say.

"But they were all asleep…" Ron was equally shocked, and it was a few minutes of wide eyed staring before either began to stutter again.

"He must have—"

"Are you sure?"

Sensing that this conversation was quickly going nowhere, Harry and Ron hurried up to the dormitory, but as Seamus and Dean were already there, they could say nothing.

Hermione stepped out of the shadows of the common room, muttering to herself.

"I can't believe it."

Neville had told her the story, but she honestly refused to believe that Harry and Ron would ever—Oh, never mind with that now. In fact, looking back, she was sure that the signs were all there. But, she told herself, hindsight is always 20/20, and she pulled out the books and pulled up a chair. Working with Neville, she had been able to trace the source of the boy's strange behavior back to the night where the Andelion had gone up into the dormitory. Even when Professor Lupin had given her a note to find a book on these strange creatures in the restricted section, however, all she had found was a single book with sketchy notes about the creatures appearance, and one poem repeated over and over again. Eventually she had been able to determine that the poem was really enchanted text. So, of course, she searched for ways to return the text back to its normal state. After hours of searching, she found a potion that would do it, and luckily, the ingredients she needed primarily were available in the student stores and in her own more than ample storage. Potions being one of her better areas, despite Snape's teaching methods, she kept a store of ingredients that most students didn't have, and a few that she had had to go through a friendly black market from a connection with certain twins in order to get.

She had finished brewing the potion earlier that night, in a haunt she had frequented first and second years, and Myrtle was very glad to see her again. She held up a small vial of the milky white substance, and the book she had been poring over. Pouring it over the pages in small amounts, she saw the words rearrange themselves, and she read quickly, taking notes on a nearby piece of parchment long into the night.

****The Next Morning…****

Harry and Ron, having another one of their eventful mornings, walked quietly into the common room on the way to the kitchens, but were stopped by the sight of a slouched lump that turned out to be Hermione sitting on one of the chairs, book in her hands, and parchment by her side. Ron slid the book out of her grasp, careful not to wake her, and turned it to the title.

"She must have been doing extra credit for Lupin," he said presumptuously, "look at the title: 'Andelion Habits.' Will she ever give up? She already has a hundred and ten—" Ron was interrupted by Harry, who had begun to read the parchment on the nearby table. "Oh God."

"What? What is it?" Ron pulled the paper away from Harry, and he read a few lines before a similar reaction displayed on his face. "Oh." "Well, that explains a lot," Ron was able to get out, before he had to run to catch Harry, who seemed to have fainted, and was hurtling towards the stone floor. Luckily for him Hermione woke up at that point, and they both carried him over to a chair.

"I take it you know, then."

Ron could only nod. Hermione matter-of-factly said, "Well, this won't do." She pulled out her wand and Touched Harry's nose lightly. "Ennervate." Harry's eyes opened gently, and the position he found himself in told him that he had not been dreaming. He was pregnant, and so was Ron. Hermione wasted no time getting around to business. "The first thing we have to decide is, who should know? We're the only people that know right now, but it won't be long before people start to figure it out for themselves or atleast know something's up."

Harry tried to get up, but his head was spinning, he didn't know what was happening, and he had to sit back down. Ron spoke. "I think it's obvious that as few people as possible should know. I certainly don't want my parents to find out any sooner than they have to, and Malfoy would be more than happy to spread Harry's story to Witch Weekly."

Harry didn't even have a chance to speak for himself. "Agreed. The next thing to think about is whether or not—" Hermione was cut off.

"We should tell Neville?" The round faced boy stepped into the common room, causing everyone to jump. "I don't really think that's a point worthy of discussion. You guys need to learn to walk more quietly in the dorm room. And… I probably need to learn to ignore my curiosity better."

Hermione was unshaken by the entrance. "Alright. So, we tell no one unless we absolutely have to. The next question is, how do we keep people from figuring things out? It won't be long before people start to guess."

Ron had the answer for that one, as well. "There's a charm that will keep us from showing most of the time until really late. Let's just say that my Dad didn't know mum was having the twins until she decided to tell him. He's told me the story many times, and I know how the spell works. We need a place where we can reliably be alone, though. The spell only works for so much time during the day, and after that you have to return to the place it was casted, where you'll be essentially immobile for a few hours while it recharges."

Harry finally piped in on the conversation. "The room of requirement will work well for a casting place, then."

****Brief A/N: this story, for the purposes of lightheartedness, simply presumes that Voldemort is not a part of their lives, either he never existed, or was defeated, take your pick. Thusly, the DA will not meet in the room, as it may never have existed, if you, the reader, so desire. On with the story.****

Hermione relaxed. "Well, that settles just about everything. As long as you two can keep your mood swings under control, no one should be the wiser, and you'll have the kids during the summer, and that will be easy to hide."

Ron sighed, but was not nearly as relaxed as Hermione. "My parents aren't going to be happy at all."

Harry's condition beat them all. "What will the Dursley's do?"

Neville had the solution. "There's at least one more person we'll have to tell. With all of the secrets we're going to be keeping, we'll doubtlessly be breaking more than a few rules, and only one person has the authority to overturn decisions in that area."

Harry nodded, silently agreeing, but wishing he had other options. He trusted Professor Dumbledore with his life, but he never wanted to burden the man with his problems. Both had enough on their minds. That Saturday, when they talked to him, he certainly didn't seem overburdened when he heard the news. He glowed with joy and excitement, and the minor hindering practicalities of the situation washed away from everyone in the room.

"Congratulations are definitely in order, then. I daresay that this deserves a toast."

With a wave of what Harry noticed was a wandless hand, glasses of champagne appeared in his, Neville's, and Hermione's hands, while his and Ron's were filled with a slice of buttered wheat toast. He gave his signature wink, and said with a smile, "No drinks during pregnancy. Doctor's orders."

Dumbledore agreed to help them out with a few rule-bendings, though he did note that it wouldn't be anything out of the ordinary for any of them, even Neville. The four of them left the office quite happy, but as they walked around the corner in the hallway, Neville was practically run over by a very disheveled Malfoy, who muttered something like, " I've 'gotta find him," before running again in the opposite direction. The four Gryffindors exchanged curious looks, but the disgraced state of their mutual nemesis only increased their happiness.

When they returned to the common room, they lay back in the chairs, and Hermione, to no one's surprise, pulled out a book. She was reading 'Andelion Habits' once more, and began to tell Harry and Ron some of the things she had recently discovered about the curious creature. Apparently, Harry and Ron' kids were going to be kind of like twins. Since they were conceived close together, and they had expressed their love in a physical fashion so close to the lustual act of the Andelion, that it was the equivalent of the two of them conceiving a child together. If that had been possible, that is. Apparently, Hermione, read, if the two had not found love soon after, they would have been consumed with lust, and eventually become Andelions themselves. The seed inside, instead of creating new life, consumed what was already there and transformed it into something similar. Ron laughed as he pictured Harry as an Andelion with bright green eyes, but it wasn't Harry's funny bone that reacted to the thought of Ron with a long golden tail. Neville listened, only somewhat interested, but looked down at his robes to find a slimy, golden sparkle in several spots.

"Eww! Malfoy must have got me with this stuff. I've got to go up and wash it off."

Ron stopped laughing long enough to look up at Neville and see what he was complaining about, and froze. That substance looked remarkably familiar.

"Oh God. That's what he meant. He must have--"

Harry, Hermione, and Neville were confused by Ron's mumblings. Neville, however, interrupted Ron, impatiently torn between getting clean and finding out what Ron had just figured out. "What? Could you please enlighten us as to exactly what I meant?"

"No, not you, Malfoy. He said 'I've gotta find him' when he ran into you in the hall. And he left Andelion residue on your clothes." Harry looked up, and recognized instantly the substance he had tried so hard to remove just a few short weeks ago.

"Oh." Neville was relieved. He had secrets of his own to be keeping, and if they had figured him out, well… He would just tell them when he was ready.

Hermione burst out a moment later. "Do you realize what this means? If he doesn't find someone to love soon, he'll become and Andelion himself!"

Harry and Ron shrugged. They didn't much care what happened to the prat, as long as it didn't affect them in an adverse sort of way. Hermione gave them a little bit of perspective, however, with her next statement.

"Imagine someone with Malfoy's evil will, with the power to seduce anyone. I mean anyone." She glared at Harry and Ron. "You didn't seem to stand up to well to the powers of the andelion, and you have no idea who that was before it's transformation."

Harry and Ron considered this for a minute, and Harry responded. "Well, it seems we have our mission. Find the true love of Draco Malfoy."

Ron burst out laughing, and before long, Harry and Hermione couldn't help but join in too.

Neville had had enough. "And on that note…" He walked up to the dorm room, ready to set his clothes out and step into the shower for a quick moment, to wash off of his face and hands the slippery substance.

The rest of the day was spent narrowing down their choices for Draco's bride to be. It was not an easy process, as Ron was continually stopping progress with laughter, or ridiculous suggestions, and Harry was very prone to joining in. Despite their rambunctious behavior, Hermione was able to put together a reasonably sized list, and was satisfied with her accomplishments. Harry and Ron were still giggling over the image of Draco and Professor Trelawney that had innocently drifted into their heads as they walked together up to the dormitory. Neville sat pensively for a few minutes, alone in the common room, and began to write his own list of potential mates for Draco. His list was significantly different, and there were no cross-overs between the two. Feeling that he had a significant selection, he paused before adding one last name with a certain degree of finality. Pleased, he packed away his ink bottle and quill, and walked alone back to the dormitory.

A/N: This is incredibly longer than the rest of the chapters, I know, but I had a bunch of stuff I wanted to get in, so I hope you enjoyed it. Remember, one chapter costs one review, so the next one won't be posted until another review is. Also, I realize that this chapter was a little lacking in the kick-ass humor I promised, and that's because I'm just no good at it. There was a little in this episode, but really good kick-ass humor is so hard to write while actually achieving a plot. Anyways, review whilst I work on the next chapter, and tell me if you think you know what's going to happen, know what Neville's secret is, or have any suggestions for Draco's partner, or if he should be left to his own devices.


	6. Chapter 6:Soooo much

Neville sat in his room that night, torn. No one would disagree that while he wasn't exactly the most coordinated or powerful student in Gryffindor, he was easily the most compassionate. He had a sinking feeling that he was the only one who thought that Malfoy deserved some pity, and that the rest were simply afraid of his potential powers as an andelion. He had been just as victim to the boy's insults, perhaps more so, given the material he provided on a daily basis, but he had never been able to shut out pity for him. Neville knew the Malfoy home couldn't have been filled with the same love as his own, and it was no surprise that all Draco knew how to do was sting people. He knew that Draco was looking for love, but that he couldn't have it. Draco looked in the arms of a golden, dark, being, like his family had taught him to, and had found only corrupted lust.  
  
"It is time," Neville said aloud. The only response he received was Ron's loud snoring, and Seamus' mutterings about nothing he could decipher. Everyone was asleep, and for Harry, nowadays at least, that meant peace. Turning on to his side and resting his face on his pillow, he decided to join them in dreams.  
  
*** The Next Morning (Sunday) ***  
  
Neville was woken by footsteps just outside his bed. He sat up to the noises of what had become a daily routine, and decided that was enough. Hearing Harry and Ron walk into the bathroom, he quickly jumped out of bed, cast a charm he had perfected not long ago on himself that cleaned his face and straightened his hair, threw on some robes, and went down to the common room. He only had to wait for a moment before he heard the two boys come down from the dormitory, and stood there to confront them.  
  
"What are you doing up?" Ron's reaction was somewhat shocked when he saw his cross-armed roommate waiting for them.  
  
"I wouldn't be, if it wasn't for you," Neville retorted.  
  
"Sorry about that," Harry threw in.  
  
"I know you both know silencing charms. Please use them in the mornings. I don't enjoy being a light sleeper, but I don't want to suffer for it."  
  
"Alright. Silencing charms. Duly noted." Ron seemed quite anxious to get wherever it is they were going. He grabbed Harry's arm and started to pull, but Harry wasn't moving. He saw something in Neville's eyes that wouldn't let him.  
  
"Do you want to come with us?" Harry asked invitingly.  
  
Neville perked up at the thought. It wasn't what he had planned, but he really wanted to know just what it was that the boys did every morning. Neville nodded, and the three headed towards the portrait-hole, unexpectedly stopped by another figure stepping out of the shadows. Ron jumped, Harry was startled, but Neville had little reaction as the bushy haired girl walked into the sunlight pouring out of the windows.  
  
"You weren't thinking of going somewhere without me, were you?" Hermione smiled widely and the four Gryffindors stepped out through the portrait- hole.  
  
A/N: I know this is horribly late, and short, and that's my fault, and the only excuse I have is that it's final's week, and I just pulled two all nighters in a row. I will update twice this week to make up for it, so enjoy until then. 


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